I think I've basically planned out my life for the next like, 11 years? Planned out means knowing what I will be doing. The only thing that'll screw me up is if I dont get into the university that I want. Or I don't do well for SATs. Or If I go crazy and be deemed medically unfit. Haha.
I'm living the NS life I never DREAMED of having. I always thought I would be in PES A for the 1 year 10 months of my NS life, and thanks to the constant drilling by my brother, always thought I'ld chong sua. I had always that at this point of time, I'ld be suffering through OCS or SISPEC. But now, I'm a clerk in OCS HQ. It is THE life. HAHAHAHAHA.
Cyle is back!! Woooooo. There's finally someone to hang out and play guitar with and chill, and share the same ideas of life. But sadly he'll only be here for 10 days. Jaaaa.
Talking about Cyle. EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS! FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS IS THE SHIT! THEY'RE EXTREMELY HILARIOUS! Flight of the Conchords consists of 2 guys, Jermaine and Bret, who plays extremely good musical parodies. Their music is sick, and their lyrics are HILARIOUS. Coupled with their body expressions, they're SICK I tell you. Hahaha.
Okay I'm off.
44. Caliber Love Letter
11:46 AM
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Sometimes you feel like you've been trying very hard to achieve something that seems so out of your reach, so difficult, so tedious, that it almost feels absurd to even think of achieving it. You feel pressured, you feel the weight of people's expectations on your shoulder and you just go on because apparently, its what you want and its whats good for you.
I think I talk too much. I'm very good at forming my opinions on people's life and their problems, and often I give advice - or rather extremely judgmental propositions - as to what they are going through and what they should do. And I feel satisfied, happy, accomplished, when people smile and say thank you, as though what I have said has made a positive impact in their lives and they've rectified their flaws.
I thought I had matured since my dad's passing, and that I finally stood on my own ground. I guess what surprised me the most was that I've realised that I honestly don't know what I want anymore, and even more shocking is that that realisation applies to EVERY aspect of my life.
FRAGMENTED EPIPHANY!
44. Caliber Love Letter
9:00 PM
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Even though I did not take part in the passing out parade yesterday morning, I'm hell as glad that the first phase of my NS life is over. And I want to laugh out loud at all those going in in April, all the fucking RECRUITS. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Oh and if you're in Bronco company tell me. Haha.
A busted knee is not a nice thing to have at this period of time. Life sucks when you limp.
I am extreeeeeemely content with my results. Like seriously, whoa. But its a shame I didn't get the satisfaction, the assurance of at least interviews to scholarships, and the feel of 20 crisp, new S$50-notes in my hands. In other words, its a shame I didn't get another A. Hahaha.
POP oh!
my mouth is filled with blood from trying not to speak.
44. Caliber Love Letter
9:49 AM
Thursday, February 07, 2008
you're scared because if you try and fail there's only you to blame. and what if it is too hard? well, nothing in this world that is worth having comes easy. life is scary. get used to it. -scrubs
44. Caliber Love Letter
10:27 AM
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
This is my first long break since I've enlisted, and I'm dead tired. Like, DEAD tired. My body's aching and I have eye bags. Not complaining about looks, but I'm just fucking tired.
NS has been an eye opener. You meet people you thought couldnt possibly exist, and you meet people who are so similar to you, and you meet people you wish could just die on the spot. Training wise its torturous to follow the strict regimentation and tight discipline. No mistakes, and always on the go. Even sleeping has limits. Field camp to me was more of a mental test than a physical one. The discipline to tell yourself to keep going and not to give up during those 6 days of sleeping in a bashar with a rifle, digging a flooded shell scrape in the rain, or the field pack inspections. Then, you have to ensure that you push yourself, yet maintain your health and try not to get sick or injured. I'm glad its over. I'm so glad its over.
One thing about NS that I'm starting to dislike is the separation from the rest of the world. Even though we get the newspapers everyday, I barely have the time to read it, even more the mood to read it. On a more personal level, you set expectations as to what you would expect would happen when you get back to mainland Singapore, but you forget that although time passes so slowly in Tekong, life is as per normal here. It results in disappointments, and you feel worse cause you feel detached from both places. The lowest point would be for someone to not understand that situation cause he'll feel useless, unwanted, unimportant, whatever. There is a need to be able to adapt to both worlds in an instant, and to cut off the other world when you're in one of them. Whatever it is, just try to avoid complications in either place.
I got this from Noddy's blog, and I really like it.
"If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous?If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
i'm not religious or anything, but i think it's a nice quote all around regardless of what faith you suscribe to. it's always easy to want something and it's always frustrating if we don't attain it. and i realise that it's this frustration that usually blinds me to the other possibilities that arise from the whole experience. there's an opportunity to everything and i guess it's up to me to make something good come out of it.
perhaps the best gifts [material, physiological, emotional] aren't those that we have been bequeathed but the ones that we earn ourselves instead.
I think its meaningful. Food for thought.
Happy Chinese New Year!
44. Caliber Love Letter
11:25 PM
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
In a blink of an eye, the worst year of my life has passed. Its now 2008, on the night of the 9th of January, the night before I enlist for NS. Welcome to a new phase in my life.
44. Caliber Love Letter
8:31 PM
Monday, November 26, 2007
another turning point a fork stuck in the road time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go so make the best of this test and don't ask why it's not a question but a lesson learned in time it's something unpredictable, but in the end is right i hope you had the time of your life. so take the photographs and still frames in your mind hang it on a shelf in good health and good time tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial for what it's worth it was worth all the while it's something unpredictable but in the end is right. i hope you had the time of your life.
44. Caliber Love Letter
2:23 AM
najid
victoriaschool
meridienjc
victoriajc
NSF
11july1989
soccer
music
muay thai
